Storyteller’s Note

The Ridiculous Horny Snail has arrived

Periodically, the Key West writers guild conducts a word flash writing exercise. Usually, words written on ragged pieces of paper are tossed into a straw hat. Three prompts are selected. All three must be used in either a poetic or prose form (no longer than 750 words). The object to write, write, write.

Due to the constraints of writing the nonfiction, Fish on a Leash, I refrained from participating but in June of 2019 while baking my infamous five chocolate-chocolate chip cookies for the prompt night’s revelries, my thoughts wandered to the week’s three little words and I began composing a little ditty, Since poetic forms have taken a different tack from my high school and college days, I took the liberty of massaging the popularly employed free-verse form with poetic elements: a form, a sound, a rhythm, an image, a voice and an intention. Thanks to the KWWG’s inspiring prompt words this poignant poem has taken on a life of its own.

Post anthology production the Guild has returned to hosting prompt sessions with a new library of miscellaneous words. The expanded poem is hot off the press.

Prompt words bolded in order of appearance: Act I: escargot, pheromones’, ridiculous kick started my adventure with our tiny gastropod relatives. Like my five chocolate chocolate chips, I offer you a vanilla iced mignardise tickle, the first three stanzas of this Ode in Two Acts.

Madame Escargot’s pheromones raged,
at a snail’s pace.
“C’est ridicule,” rasped Monsieur,
whose visceral hump always screamed for more.

“A free-wheelin’ conch I’m not,” she yelped,
“Unlike my cousin, the whimpering whelk.”
Monsieur excreted comeuppance.
“Bien sur, vous n’êtes pas, Madame!”
(of course, you’re not!)
You my escargot, are a slug!”

Her femininity insulted, Madame flipped over,
clammed her foot, head, neck and tail beneath her sheath,
vociferously declaring,
“Pas ce soir, pas ce soir Joseph!”
(Not tonight, not tonight, Joseph!)

Copyright June 6, 2019 Judith D. Winters
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication-Data
content may not be used without express permission of the author

EARLY RELEASE REVIEWS from Goodreads.com:                                                                                            January 31, 2024 This charming book is proudly displayed in my guest room here in Key West. It’s such a fun and funny read and I simply adore it. It makes a great gift as well.                                                            Beth Merry

February 15, 2024 The Ridiculous Horny Snail is truly a unique and wonderful book. It is smart, poetic, thoughtful, clever, sexy, and beautifully written. It’s also quite educational, and the illustrations are wonderful. Anyone who has a good sense of humor will appreciate this very funny, and intelligent book.    Richard Berenholtz (architect and photographer, Skylines, New York Deco, New York New York, Panoramic New York, etc.)

February 18, 2024 What a treat this book by Judi Winters is! The presentation is gorgeous, with lovely artwork. And while it may look like a book for children, it is anything but, although it does have an educational element. Clever, sexy (Oooo la la!) and funny, it’s a lovely addition to your coffee table and would make a great gift to those who can appreciate a sophisticated graphic book. Aficionados of Key West in particular will love it!                                                                                                                            Joanna Brady (author, The Woman in the Light, The Night Witches of Berlin, etc.)                                         

February 24, 2024 The Ridiculous Horney Snail by Judi Winters is entertaining, creative, and a joy to read. The illustrations will blow your socks off. It’s perfect for an adult coffee table and will make you or your friends smile as they turn the pages.                                                                                                                MaryLou Condike (author, The Desk from Hoboken, More Tales from the End of the Road, and several other anthologies)                                                                                                                                                     

March 15, 2024 This is a truly delightful, whimsical snail tale with beautiful illustrations. I thoroughly enjoyed the misadventures of these tiny creatures. A story to be savored slowly for sure.                              Martin Appelson

!! Available online and at these boutique shops !!

 20 Hudson Yards, New York

 533 Eaton St, Key West, FL 33040

310 Glen Cove Road East Hills, NY

100 Audrey Avenue, Oyster Bay, NY